The rain outside makes the whole atmosphere so wet, so dark, so miserable. It seems like along with the rain came along that whole emotional wave all over again or maybe it's just that same time of exam stress bringing it all back again.
A sudden rush of emotions have been filling me since last year's summer holls. No summer holls was not all fun and sun but it was a time where I was really grateful for that it was holls and I had the time to think, to reflect and really determine my actions and make some life changing decisions.
I've had to let go a lot and put myself in a ring of risk, not knowing whether I will loose my best friend based on the circumstances and really letting go of myself allowing myself fall into a pool of emotions and feelings which if I drown again this time, I doubt I can stand up again once more.
I've faced failures so many times and those heart wrenching moments where getting over things is not as easy as it seems to be. I appear on the outside to be someone who has no issues in life but deep within me this issues of life are really killing me on the inside.
For the past whole year God has just been so real and good in my life. I've been blessed so tremendously with the most amazing people and friends that I have and they've walked me through days of tears and happiness. They've been there for me laughing with me during the happy days and been my pillar of strength when I was crumbling down.
Despite all of that, why is that sometimes I still feel so empty on the inside? and why is that when I have finally found that someone that I could really lean on and who has been the one sewing up the scars in me without even realising that, I have to let go and learn to live without you for a period of time. Why is that this must happen?
and why is that I am constantly faced with challenges that comes my way regarding you and that I have to think and face it and embrace it and really learn to put my trust and faith in you.
Everytime I think about leaving, tears will just roll down and i'll endure sleeping on wet pillows and block nose the whole night. I keep saying I can do this I can do this but the REALL SLAPPING TRUTH is I don't even know HOW I CAN DO THIS AT ALL! THE THOUGHT of it even is enough to shoot me straight through my heart and there goes again I'll never have the guts to ever tell anyone that because I'm afraid of people's perception and especially you. I just have to act strong and keep acting and acting till one day I will believe my own acts.
And there are times where I just get overwhelmed by guilt where no matter what and how I hurt you, you will always always be there for me and always be the one who puts it aside.
I really need to start growing up. If I don't I am up for a total BIGG FALL. =/
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Dreams
3.11.2010
Sometimes life does take us on journey's that we would never expect. Guess that is one of the wonders of life. What fun would life be if we can predict life just like that? where is the fun in life if that happens?
One minute when you're just sitting there wishing for things that you really want for the past times, the next thing it comes to you just like that. Like someone landed a bombshell on you.
Now that's the fun in life right?
a new chapter begins and a clean new page is spread out and the clock starts ticking. (:
from today onwards life will never be the same again. XD
Sometimes life does take us on journey's that we would never expect. Guess that is one of the wonders of life. What fun would life be if we can predict life just like that? where is the fun in life if that happens?
One minute when you're just sitting there wishing for things that you really want for the past times, the next thing it comes to you just like that. Like someone landed a bombshell on you.
Now that's the fun in life right?
a new chapter begins and a clean new page is spread out and the clock starts ticking. (:
from today onwards life will never be the same again. XD
Monday, July 5, 2010
I ain't want any regrets
When I should be studying for my LLB Year 1 here i am, nvm its for a reason. (:
Today while I was driving home yadadada Fly FM sudd had this call in thing where they say the topic of the day was what would you have done if you could be 17 again? It all started with Jules saying that how she met the boy she used to have a crush on back when she was 17 and now his a oh so successful man already with a happy family.
AND BOY THAT GOT ME THINKING AND WONDERING!
Regrets in life, what I would do if I could turn time back in life now and what I should do now and don't let go of what I have right now. The whole journey back along the LDP really was one journey that made me reflect back on my life, a part of my life practically.
If I could turn time back to when I was 14...
I wish I never played with your heart and all this would never had happen. I wish and wish so badly that thing between us never happened and I really do wish so until today. and if things did not have happened back then you and me would not have to go through what we are right now.
If I could turn back time to when I was 15...
I wish I had never let you go. That was one of the hardest thing I have ever done and the most painfull one of all. Till today, I still wonder IF AND ONLY IF I had never done what I have done I wonder where we will be today. You and I have moved on deep into our lives taking the journey that would never cross each other's paths. But deep within we both know that what we shared was something that would always remain a part of us forever.
AND NOW...
I don't ever want to let go what I have now but courage is what I need to make the best out it. No matter how hard its going to be, no matter how weird its going to turn out, I will MAKE SURE that I will do it and won't regret later on.
I rather bear with the consequences of it than to regret and wonder about it in times to come.
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them
Today while I was driving home yadadada Fly FM sudd had this call in thing where they say the topic of the day was what would you have done if you could be 17 again? It all started with Jules saying that how she met the boy she used to have a crush on back when she was 17 and now his a oh so successful man already with a happy family.
AND BOY THAT GOT ME THINKING AND WONDERING!
Regrets in life, what I would do if I could turn time back in life now and what I should do now and don't let go of what I have right now. The whole journey back along the LDP really was one journey that made me reflect back on my life, a part of my life practically.
If I could turn time back to when I was 14...
I wish I never played with your heart and all this would never had happen. I wish and wish so badly that thing between us never happened and I really do wish so until today. and if things did not have happened back then you and me would not have to go through what we are right now.
If I could turn back time to when I was 15...
I wish I had never let you go. That was one of the hardest thing I have ever done and the most painfull one of all. Till today, I still wonder IF AND ONLY IF I had never done what I have done I wonder where we will be today. You and I have moved on deep into our lives taking the journey that would never cross each other's paths. But deep within we both know that what we shared was something that would always remain a part of us forever.
AND NOW...
I don't ever want to let go what I have now but courage is what I need to make the best out it. No matter how hard its going to be, no matter how weird its going to turn out, I will MAKE SURE that I will do it and won't regret later on.
I rather bear with the consequences of it than to regret and wonder about it in times to come.
I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them
Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them
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