There are times when I just feel like picking up the phone

and telling you all about it and

get it out of my chest for once, but somehow

I can't. AND why because its you we are talking about.

I just wish sometimes, this things had never came across us

this things today would never had happened.

I wish I could just say it but i can't.

I've Got A Feeling

When things go bad and sour and you have no one to count on and not even ANYONE can help you solve your problems and distress, THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY can do everything.

FOR ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN HIM WHO BELIEVES. AMEN.

The past few days and week has been like A TOTAL GOONER week and days for me, there was not one day that I could actually go through without having to fake happiness and portray a FAKE SMILE. but something happened to me and it's definitely an act of GOD a blessing, a miracle deep from within HIM.

I've got to admit this totally that I have been totally backsliding in everything from going to church, from classes to doing my work. I can just ZONE out in class and my lecturer's voice can just drown and I would be in some ZONE of my own. EEKK thats BAD. and I can suddenly snap back to class and wonder where on earth my lecturer is at now.

Sometimes I do wonder and ask GOD why is all this happening to ME? WHY ME? and sometimes as I sit in class I wonder what in the world am I doing here in LAW school? is this what i really want? Is this what YOU want for me? I question myself so often that at a point i wanted to GIVE UP.

The power of prayer is INDEED something so miraculous and something so awesome that you just cant DESCRIBE it in words. Since the second week of Law School, a few of us from my class would gather together and we just pray for whatever prayer needs we have. and trust me I haven had this kind of experience and encounter before until I started uni.

Today something happened. While we were praying just me, May Zhen and Joel. A voice from within spoke to me and said "Elaine everything is just going to be fine and go ahead and be happy". those words were indeed such inspirational words that totally lifted me up and I could suddenly feel like my heart's burden has all been lifted.

We prayed and ask God for wisdom and courage that this was indeed what we wanted and GOD has his purpose of placing each and everyone of us where we are now. and it suddenly DAWNED on me the way things has been unfolding and leading me to my pathway of law school.

It brought me back to the night where I remembered how a friend actually out of the blue suddenly told me that PLACES IN READING U were being grabbed up FAST and that limted places was available. as strange as it seems that very evening I had decided to fill in the application form that has been lying on my table for MONTHS and ages and when I called the next am, I still remember so very clearly Miss Yoges telling me there were only 3 PLACES left and I rushed there immediatly. If it wasn't God's will for me to be in law school, he wouldnt have spoke to me through my friend and that I probably wont be where I be today now.

and as for now, GOD has placed me with a bunch of really great people who really has the passion for HIM and this is indeed a sign from him to tell me that Hey it's time to come back on track.

Today I could smile for REAL for once be HAPPY for once. And i Thank God for never forsaking me and I thank GOD for all his blessings that he has never failed to shower me with.

Indeed HE has every purpose for us here on earth.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

and suddenly the sky and clouds look so blue today

like they had never been for a long time

its 2 am now and I am HALLUCINATING

thanks to my textbooks and the computer screen. reading font size 10 for the whole day doesnt do your eyes any good neither does it for you soul.

RAMBLINGS.

nights world. =)

White Flag Red Flag?

you said you wanted me to move on and be happy

and to my pursue my own happiness.

In the quest of that you said that you will always be there to support me and be my side.

so why is it now that AGAIN and AGAIN you are always there standing there as an obstruction, a barrier

one that you know I can never go over no matter how and what I do.

I dont understand how we all got tangled in this mess but all I know

is I want a way out but we're so deep into the maze and when I think I have found the way out

you make the ending so much more complicated.

it's REAL BAD to know that the one hurting me now is YOU.

what is it that you want? I cant seem to figure you out anymore.

I try so HARD to put it aside but I cant because its you and me in this game now.

I just wish that there is some kind of explanation to this and this is not for real.

I'm trying so HARD just to act normal in front of you like nothing has happen or nothing is happening but I think soon I cant do this anymore.

we do everything together but this time the boat is too small for both of us

it's either one of us have to leave or we'll both end up in a sunken boat.

forgive me if I dissapoint you one day.