Dreams

3.11.2010

Sometimes life does take us on journey's that we would never expect. Guess that is one of the wonders of life. What fun would life be if we can predict life just like that? where is the fun in life if that happens?

One minute when you're just sitting there wishing for things that you really want for the past times, the next thing it comes to you just like that. Like someone landed a bombshell on you.

Now that's the fun in life right?

a new chapter begins and a clean new page is spread out and the clock starts ticking. (:

from today onwards life will never be the same again. XD

I ain't want any regrets

When I should be studying for my LLB Year 1 here i am, nvm its for a reason. (:

Today while I was driving home yadadada Fly FM sudd had this call in thing where they say the topic of the day was what would you have done if you could be 17 again? It all started with Jules saying that how she met the boy she used to have a crush on back when she was 17 and now his a oh so successful man already with a happy family.

AND BOY THAT GOT ME THINKING AND WONDERING!

Regrets in life, what I would do if I could turn time back in life now and what I should do now and don't let go of what I have right now. The whole journey back along the LDP really was one journey that made me reflect back on my life, a part of my life practically.

If I could turn time back to when I was 14...

I wish I never played with your heart and all this would never had happen. I wish and wish so badly that thing between us never happened and I really do wish so until today. and if things did not have happened back then you and me would not have to go through what we are right now.

If I could turn back time to when I was 15...

I wish I had never let you go. That was one of the hardest thing I have ever done and the most painfull one of all. Till today, I still wonder IF AND ONLY IF I had never done what I have done I wonder where we will be today. You and I have moved on deep into our lives taking the journey that would never cross each other's paths. But deep within we both know that what we shared was something that would always remain a part of us forever.

AND NOW...

I don't ever want to let go what I have now but courage is what I need to make the best out it. No matter how hard its going to be, no matter how weird its going to turn out, I will MAKE SURE that I will do it and won't regret later on.

I rather bear with the consequences of it than to regret and wonder about it in times to come.

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did
And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did
And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof top
Write it on the sky love
All we had is gone now
Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know
Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love is worst
Empty promises will wear
I know (i know)
And know when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

I think I have the most F up life at the moment now. and yes Its not EXAM STRESS. I know deep down its more than that.

FORGIVE ME WILL YOU?

What You Need Is More Than What You Have

May came and flew by just like that. (: and in a few more minutes June would be rolling in.

5 months have flew past and there's only a few more months left in 2010. Is it me or has time this year flew faster than ever before?

Finals is in a matter of a months time and GOOD LORD I don't even know where I am going to find the time to cramp all WHAT I HAVE TO CRAMP into my head. =D

What I am looking forward too is what is waiting after FINALS but before that, there is still writing credit to be done with and and STUDYING. UGH.

So far May has been the most awesome month. =D the most amazing things in my life has happened in May and and alot more! =D wheee.

There's just so much to say and do but AHHA.

THE PILLOW IS SCREAMING MY NAME. =D

You promised me you would always be there for me and never to leave me alone. (: and that's my drug to keep going. XD

The 5 People Theory

I should be doing my criminal tutorial not BLOG here but oh wells! =D there's too much in my head right now that i just want to spill them all out before I forget every single moment and then BOO. =(

"The 5 closest people that you mix with, that's your average personality"

Sounds peculiar? All it took was 4 teenage girls to prove this theory right.

Being stuck in the COW JAM and nothing to do, 4 law students decided to be random and have RANDOM girl talk. (:

Aim: What do we think of each other?
Hypothesis: The more you mix with someone, the more you become like them

Procedure:
1)Firstly, each one has to say what they think of the other. ONLY GOOD STUFF ALLOWED, no one wanted to KILL the HAPPY ATMOSPHERE in the air. (:
2) RAMBLE..RAMBLE..RAMBLE..RAMBLE..
3)MORE RAMBLING....

Conclusion:
From all those ramblings and dissecting what we all said about each other we proved the the theory right!=D

Somehow or the other, for the past 5 months, where friendship bonds have become stronger and proximity levels has become closer, I have come to realise that the people I mix with the most has changed me someway or the other or rather their characteristics has formed some of the trace elements in me. and MIND YOU there are a lot of trace elements that has been transferred from them to me.

And each one of them is so unique since we 4 are very diff people but yet we blend so well and has somewhat become inseparable someway or the other. =D

trace elements that we didn't have 5 months ago has been formed within us without us realising and only when we talked about then only it was brought to our consciousness. Its kinda like a chain of causation was being formed and the "but for" test applied and blended in well.

BUT FOR us all mixing together and blending in, we won't be who we are now.

We have all adapted each others traits from being CAREFUL with words to being organised and just being who you are to be being random and to being a real girl. the change within us is getting more and more obvious and I am glad that I have within me this trace elements that makes me whole and a better me. =D

and and it was just so nice hearing all the stuff and fluff that we had to say about each other and what people think of you. (: kinda boost your self-esteem eh. =D

All the gabbing about stuff and fluff somehow make the ride in the rain and the jam a very BEARABLE one and a very meaningful one. XD

Friends can be a positive influence and a bad one. But it's up to oneself to pick out the rotten apples and throw them away or to continue being with the rotten apples. But one can also choose to be one of the buds of the flowers and pick them and nurture them till they bloom into flowers. (:

Hypothesis is proven to be correct. (:

Sometimes In life there are times where we are left just hanging there in the middle of nowhere waiting for something or someone to come and pick us up.

But life is not all that simple. When you think that life is going your way, it does not.

that is when we have to stand up and take our stand.

I wonder what happened to all the confidence I had in me. It seems like I have lost it all.

Sometimes I wonder and ask who I am anymore.

Happy Mother's Day!

For My Dearest Mummy,

My Friend.

"At first you know her simply as a mother,
somebody good at taking care of you,
At teaching and protecting and defending
and watching everything you do..

At first you know her simply as a mother,
but something lovely happens through the years,
For every time she warms you
with her kindness,
every time she has a hand to lend,

You come to know her just a little better
to know her as a person..
and a friend."

Dearest Mummy!
I know you'll read this! =)

Thanks for just being MY MUM
which I know is not easy having to tolerate all
that this little princess of yours throws at you. =)

But you
always stood by me day and night
patiently and full with tolerance.

The trust you have placed in me as i grow
I'll safeguard it with all my heart and treasure it.

To my dearest MUM.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

<3

Gabbing Over Noodles

Now I finally know why GOD gave us the gift of speech. XDDDD it's not only to communicate with the world but, it's also useful for GABBING and speaking of His great Love for us. =) I really THANK GOD for the gift of speech His given to me and for the greatest GABBING partners I have. Phew, I were to start listing down everything, I think it will be equivalent to the no. of cases Lexis Nexis has. and BOYY thats ALOT ALOT!

Gabbing over Noodles.

This week has been a very very good week and I believe that CHANGES are finally taking place in my life and in the coming days and months and that great and awesome and mighty things are going to happen. =D It will happen if we start believing.

Gabbing over Noodles is definitely the HIGHLIGHT of the week! after a great and moving and changing and awesome CF...and a great de-briefing, we were left with two choices, movie or dinner. =/ and so cutthewholelongstory short. MZ and I chose food over movie and boy didn't we make the MOST RIGHT CHOICEEE. XDDDDDDD

Face to Face at SS 15 was the crime scene. where 2 hungry overworked law students finally could just sit down and GAB GAB GAB about life and everything under the sun and the cheesy moon.

Life's greatest lessons were learned and and there was just so much to TALK and LAUGH about. Boyy I do pity those patrons beside us for all those LAUGHTER and noises we were making when all they wanted was a good bowl of PAN MEE after a long day and here they are facing two noisy girls laughing their heads off. Won't be surprised if we find a letter from a legal firm in our post box suing us for Psychiatric Damage. XD

Somehow when we are faced with troubles, we just keep them to ourselves and then just be MUTE about it and wonder if we're the only looser in this world feeling the way we feel. =/ but when we begin to open up and share and what not then only we do realise that there are other people out there on the same boat as us. =D

It took me a long time to be OK and just move on and and just be me again and definitely I do not want to go through that whole roller coaster ride again for it wasn't a nice oneee. trust me. but then life is like a roller coaster, no matter how we still have to face life and embrace whatever that comes towards us.

The more we talked the FUNNIER it became because sudd we realised EHH everything is SO SIMILAR! Like we're dealing with the same case posed to us just that our clients are diff. =)

I learned a lot from what I've been through all this years and I have learned a lot but am yet to learn life's greatest lesson. =/ but there's one thing I learned, never ever ASSUME for assumptions brings you no where except to a higher level of PAIN. who likes to be in PAIN. no one right????

So gabbing partner, we're in this together right. XD so hence we shall stop thinking about all the wonders and the stars of the world for its definitely not going to bring us anywhere near soon. =D

xoxo

Life Turmoils

when life takes you on a rough roller coaster ride,

embrace it and make the best out of that ride.

when life takes you to a turning point,

take it and savour the very best of it.

because

this things don't come easily.

success is not final and failure is not fatal.

Wonders and ponders

There are times during the day where I can just sit there and wonder and stare and just think for hours and hours why is this all happening? It's like walking HELL at times just thinking about it. and then there is this rush and surge of emotions flooding me all over.

Sometimes I wish, you never came into my life and all this would not have happened and neither would I even be the way I am now, but things do happen for a reason don't it? Since you came into my life, things has been changing, its like a total turmoil change and I don't doubt that this changes have brought about good things and as well as bad things.

There are alot of things that we can never predict that will happen but hey, since when can anyone predict the future and whats to come?

I choose to believe that things do happen for a reason and why we are placed at certain places and why we meet certain people and whatsover.

What we don't do is to sit back reflect and think and ask and ponder upon our thoughts and ask why do this things happen and how we can make the best out of it.I do wonder out loud at times why do such things happen to me? Haven I been through enough of all this? but no this things don't stop happening to me. It keeps on replaying like a videotape in me and worst still it doesn't replay in my head or my mind. REPLAY button plays in reality.

Its like a love-hate relationship that I have now. this whole thing, at times I ask are all this things all worth it? Is it worth all the time and thoughts and everything?

So much has happened and I probably was being just so NAIVE to think that i can handle this all and that none of this would never happen again. BUT YET AGAIN i was kidding myself.

I try so hard to put all this aside and sometimes the harder I try, it becomes like a KNIFE that stabs.

No matter how HARD I were to wish and pray, this things would never change. Only time can heal what has happened and it lies in my hands now as to what will happen in the future.
There are just times where I just want to breakdown and cry and just let it all go but deep within I know tears will never heal this wound you left here in me.

Our place and our life here on earth is just a temporary home, it's up to us to make the best out it. but for now, no matter how BIG OR HOW WIDE a smile I plaster on my face, it's more like a plastic smile just to keep the questions away but deep within its hurting so much, I don't even know how much longer I can keep this up.

and when I thought I was over it all, it comes rushing back to me.

Walk with me again

I should not be here blogging when I should be finishing my Writing Credit submission. but oh wells.

Sometimes in life, we take things for granted and then we complain like crazy about LIFE to the cows come home and till the day the moon turns blue. But what we never do is STOP and LOOK at life and really appreciate what we have at the moment in time. =)

Finally dragged my ass to DJ and got my SPM slip after donkey period of time. =/ Think the main reason why I didn't want to go and take it was not because I didn't have the time but it was more like I DON'T EVEN WANNA LOOK at that SLIP and be reminded of my RESULTS. ugh. but i had to anyway and so yea.

The minute I got out of the car, I heard my dearest Pn. Norela's voice talking about IONIC BONDS and what not and man I laughed like crazy remembering all those Chem lessons where where we did stupid and fun experiments and how for 2 years I said that I won't ever be satisfied if I ended High School without seeing Norela's FLY-FLY tudung catching fire. but SADLY it never happened. =( boo I had the mens rea but not the courage for the actus reus to go do it. HAHAHA.

Next. Pn. Lim's VOICE. continued laughing. I must have looked like a lunatic laughing all the way walking into school. I really missed those days where when we had Bio lessons in the am and how the whole class will snatch up Bio books and start copying each other's notes in awe of not getting kicked out of class. =D at the time yes we may have hated it so much but now, thinking back, I really miss doing what we do best. =D

Next. Pn. Norita. this is one teacher I actually am very FOND of. She laods us with work and she's the most CYNICAL of all but yet she's the best still. (: BM lessons were the bomb where we use to sit behind in class, and talk and talk and yap and yap and she will SCOLD us and and LOOOLS what not has she not done or said to us. she's still as FUNNY and cynical as ever. She told me this: "Bagus sekarang belajar law, mulut tu suka cakap banyak aje di kelas sekarang bolehla cakap seberapa banyak jadi peguam". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Met Norliza and Saik too. set those teachers aside.

Walking on that very grounds of DJ brought back the FONDEST MEMORIES ever. Like everything started REPLAYING in my head. it was as though someone press the PLAY button in my head.

I remember how we use to FRET so much about school, how we wanted to go to college so BADLY. Man I would KILL or do anything just to be a school student all over again. Wear that Blue uniform, carry that backpack and tie my hair. I miss all those ALOT ALOT including the toilets and the canteen food. =p

and now that I don't have it all. I miss it ALOT ALOT. =( lesson learned. ALWAYS ALWAYS appreciate what you have and never let it go. Savour every moment of that EVERLASTING Moment and don't begin to regret once you don't have it. I never seem to learn my lesson. tsk tsk.

enough ramble bamble. BACK TO WORK. =DDDDDDDDDDD

Mooting XOXO

Finally someone injected back all the lostt time of fun in my life. =D 10 weeks of law school+2 weeks of Spring term is just enough to make you screammm and SURRENDER. but oh wells, it's just the begining of everything sweet, sugary and spicy and all the what not random nutmeg's in lifeee....

I realised the reason why I neglected this blog totally was that it became more like a place for me to find solace and type all sorts of random rubbish what not. oh wells. =D

The most amazing thing about being a law student has just slipped by me and and all I have to say is this, MOOTING is one of the greatest ever experience I ever had so far in law school, yes. Set aside all those other events from the dining experience with the fact that I was sitted in the VIP table with Justice James Foong to the times where we got to meet the really cool bunch of lawyers from the Malaysian Bar Council to the time where we went to the Palace of Justice and all the yadaddada. none of this beat the feeling of MOOTING.

Things do happen for a reason and as much as we deny this, it's a MATTER of fact. The very fact that I was chosen to moot on the very first day meaning we had THE SHORTEST time available to prepare for it. and I really meant the shortest time available with the fact that we had MOCKS, *which i screwed i think* then Criminal assignment then GPL. WHAT NOT else somemoreee......

4 days were being spent at the library. LITERALLY SPENT there from the time the sun rose to the time the sun set. But ehh IT WAS VERY WORTH IT. =DDDDDDD

Basically the whole experience was something that cannot be described with WORDS and and that all I want is to do it all over again. (: but oh wells, as they say it might be a good whole 10 years before we can even stand up there at the podium again and submit and the next time it will be for REAL in front of real JUDGES. *faints*

Oh wells there's ALOT ALOT more that I want to say heree but then...I shall continue it the next time. (:

why can't I go back to being that happy girl I used to be?

No Turning Back

You always had me when you hurt and cry

BUT

now who do I have when I need someone to just be there

and

hold me and be me with me by side?

I'm all alone and lost in this BIG BIG world

and

I'm ALL ALONE.

There are times when I just feel like picking up the phone

and telling you all about it and

get it out of my chest for once, but somehow

I can't. AND why because its you we are talking about.

I just wish sometimes, this things had never came across us

this things today would never had happened.

I wish I could just say it but i can't.

I've Got A Feeling

When things go bad and sour and you have no one to count on and not even ANYONE can help you solve your problems and distress, THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY can do everything.

FOR ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE IN HIM WHO BELIEVES. AMEN.

The past few days and week has been like A TOTAL GOONER week and days for me, there was not one day that I could actually go through without having to fake happiness and portray a FAKE SMILE. but something happened to me and it's definitely an act of GOD a blessing, a miracle deep from within HIM.

I've got to admit this totally that I have been totally backsliding in everything from going to church, from classes to doing my work. I can just ZONE out in class and my lecturer's voice can just drown and I would be in some ZONE of my own. EEKK thats BAD. and I can suddenly snap back to class and wonder where on earth my lecturer is at now.

Sometimes I do wonder and ask GOD why is all this happening to ME? WHY ME? and sometimes as I sit in class I wonder what in the world am I doing here in LAW school? is this what i really want? Is this what YOU want for me? I question myself so often that at a point i wanted to GIVE UP.

The power of prayer is INDEED something so miraculous and something so awesome that you just cant DESCRIBE it in words. Since the second week of Law School, a few of us from my class would gather together and we just pray for whatever prayer needs we have. and trust me I haven had this kind of experience and encounter before until I started uni.

Today something happened. While we were praying just me, May Zhen and Joel. A voice from within spoke to me and said "Elaine everything is just going to be fine and go ahead and be happy". those words were indeed such inspirational words that totally lifted me up and I could suddenly feel like my heart's burden has all been lifted.

We prayed and ask God for wisdom and courage that this was indeed what we wanted and GOD has his purpose of placing each and everyone of us where we are now. and it suddenly DAWNED on me the way things has been unfolding and leading me to my pathway of law school.

It brought me back to the night where I remembered how a friend actually out of the blue suddenly told me that PLACES IN READING U were being grabbed up FAST and that limted places was available. as strange as it seems that very evening I had decided to fill in the application form that has been lying on my table for MONTHS and ages and when I called the next am, I still remember so very clearly Miss Yoges telling me there were only 3 PLACES left and I rushed there immediatly. If it wasn't God's will for me to be in law school, he wouldnt have spoke to me through my friend and that I probably wont be where I be today now.

and as for now, GOD has placed me with a bunch of really great people who really has the passion for HIM and this is indeed a sign from him to tell me that Hey it's time to come back on track.

Today I could smile for REAL for once be HAPPY for once. And i Thank God for never forsaking me and I thank GOD for all his blessings that he has never failed to shower me with.

Indeed HE has every purpose for us here on earth.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you

the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

and suddenly the sky and clouds look so blue today

like they had never been for a long time

its 2 am now and I am HALLUCINATING

thanks to my textbooks and the computer screen. reading font size 10 for the whole day doesnt do your eyes any good neither does it for you soul.

RAMBLINGS.

nights world. =)

White Flag Red Flag?

you said you wanted me to move on and be happy

and to my pursue my own happiness.

In the quest of that you said that you will always be there to support me and be my side.

so why is it now that AGAIN and AGAIN you are always there standing there as an obstruction, a barrier

one that you know I can never go over no matter how and what I do.

I dont understand how we all got tangled in this mess but all I know

is I want a way out but we're so deep into the maze and when I think I have found the way out

you make the ending so much more complicated.

it's REAL BAD to know that the one hurting me now is YOU.

what is it that you want? I cant seem to figure you out anymore.

I try so HARD to put it aside but I cant because its you and me in this game now.

I just wish that there is some kind of explanation to this and this is not for real.

I'm trying so HARD just to act normal in front of you like nothing has happen or nothing is happening but I think soon I cant do this anymore.

we do everything together but this time the boat is too small for both of us

it's either one of us have to leave or we'll both end up in a sunken boat.

forgive me if I dissapoint you one day.

I'm already on the verge of breaking down

but i know i can't.

i can't do this anymore for real

Change

LAW SCHOOL has been fun so far for now. =) minus the fact that the classrooms can be freezing COLD like crazy and the next classroom its so HOT.

Taylors better do something about the air conds before all our brain enzymes get mushed up.

Time to sacrifice a whole lot of things for now. OPPORTUNITY COST. =)

ELAINE CHIN FOCUS AND STUDY.

Hate the fact that everyday I have to wear a mask

and put on a smile for everyone to see

when deep inside I'm more crushed then crushed ice.

it hurts even more when it's you're the one.

Sometimes I dont even know how to face you.

and I wonder how I do it.

Gummy Bears <3

I have survived 1 week of uni. =) not that lectures has started besides orientation the whole week. *biggie yawns* but YES i survived it. =D

The begining week of 2010 will somewhat be a very memorable time of the month as we tried to cramp in every single piece of fun and randomness we could into the week before uni actually started.

The BIG BANG for 2010 started of with NYE. Spent NYE with the same group of people as last year and again and and HAD AN AWESOME time. =D what better way is there than to usher in the new year with friends. =D

2 January 2010

headed over to anthea's place to give Kane a b'day suprise. it was kinda amusing watching him blow those candles. =D

5 January 2010

The day where Zhuxiao finally showed off her driving skills to the world like for REAL. =D ok this is pay back time for what she wrote on my FB status. =)

review in summary: I think she was very lucky that day that i didnt have breakfast that am or else I would have puked in the car. =s HAHAHAHA. as to quote Anabel. "she loves the brake so much there is not a need for us to get life insurance"

ok la, not going to be MEAN to you so yes her driving skills improved when we were on the way home. THANK GOD.

It was just great spending time just us 3 and doing all sorts of random things and yes yes. =D

9 January 2010

The last weekend of my holls. =D now this was FUNNER. I think I laughed so much till my jaws actually hurt.

it was a day that we decided to go famish ourselves with SS 15 food. =D come to think of it, I really miss the food there! =) we satisfied every single temptation from JOJO to Snowflake. =D

i think FOOD wasnt the main thing that day, it was my great awesomeeeeeeeee street smartness of driving anti-traffic all the way along the road in front of Taylors. actually I dont know what happen to me but I seriously did not realise for a split second the road was a one way road until Jitve and Li Tjen started LAUGHING and zx went OMGGGGGGG. =D

and and so classes has started. =) "JOY" and I survived driving to uni for a week, but next week SOBS la have to go there EARLY because why Taylors management must be so KIND to everyone and let everyone with the green sticker park inside and hence therefore we have to go early to GRAB parking. =(

Went back to MC yest and and saw everybody. =D nostalgic moments. and and today after class I went to MPH at Ou and the awesome Li Tjen was there. *she made me type this* and we had a SUPER fast update session. =D

it amuses me the way you react to things. =)